12 ways to save 24

Charlie Brooker has suggested twelve ways that the next series of 24 could be changed to make it watchable. Particularly fine is suggestion four:

Make the next season a blatant Fantastic Voyage rip-off, in which Jack is miniaturised and injected into Lindsay Lohan's body. He has 24 hours to save her liver from permanent damage by fighting off invading "alcohol cells" with his bare hands. Not only is this a superb cautionary tale for younger viewers, it means the finale will culminate in an eye-popping sequence in which Jack, midway through transforming back to his original dimensions, squeezes out of Lohan's bottom and flops triumphantly into an aluminium medical tray, where he thrashes around, covered in mucus, the same size as a rat. Don't tell me you wouldn't remember THAT for the rest of your life.

Hell, an idea like that might even be enough to persuade me back to 24, but only if it featured Donald Pleasence, Raquel Welch and lurid technicolor special effects.