Facts about the Queen

[sawyl]

Due to a series of quite appalling headaches, I seem to be a bit low on inspiration at the moment, so until my muse returns (or I find some crusty old guy who's willing to swap me a muse for a shop soiled bezoar), here are some half-remembered facts about the Queen from Friday's Now Show:

• To save money, the Queen is turned off at night.
• The Queen has presented her Christmas broadcast every year except 1959 when she was pregnant with Prince Andrew and 1979 when she was drunk and Basil Brush had to stand in at short notice.
• It is high treason to look directly at the Queen. You must either use a hand mirror or use a pin hole to project the image onto a piece of card.
• The Queen is understudy for the Prime Minister, a function which she has had to fulfill twice: once in 1958 when Harold Macmillan had flu and once in 1982 when Margaret Thatcher went feral.
• Every time the Queen sneezes, Father Christmas kills an elf.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go take a load more painkillers so that I can spend half an hour whimpering in the dark waiting for them to kick in and the opportunity for sleep to materialise.