The lighter side of stalking?

[sawyl]

Here, for no very good reason other than that the first episode of Crimes Against Music was repeated on BBC7 on Wednesday, are the lyrics to Mitch's brilliantly funny Imagine You Were Mine — an uptempo love song about stalking:

I realised on the day we met
You were the kind of girl I could never get,
'Cause I was creepy and unpopular,
But at least I had my binoculars.
I was waitin', mopin',
Wishin', hopin'
You would leave your curtains open,
And I knew I would be just fine,
If I just imagined you were mine.

It was almost like a dream come true
When I moved in right next door to you.
I didn't think you'd notice at all
When I drilled those holes in your bathroom wall.
I could watch you growing,
Never knowing
Where your underwear kept going,
And as you checked your washing line,
I would sit and imagine you were mine.

If only I could make you listen, if we could be friends,
I'd get rid of my night-vision goggles and long-distance lens.

I still recall the words you said,
When you found me hiding beneath your bed.
I offered you my undying love,
And my waders, trenchcoat, and surgical gloves.
Now I ask my warder,
Why you soughta
Take out that restraining order,
And though I'm locked in a six by nine,
I can still imagine you are mine.
I'm out in eight months time,
Until then I'll imagine you are mine.

Frankly, I'm suprised that note of these rhymes have show up on the Guardian letters page. But perhaps all this means is that the intersection between the set of all Mitch Benn fans and all newspaper letter writers is a small one.